Healing: A Process

I’ve been thinking for some time about how I feel about my body right now. I’ve had some pretty bad body issues for quite a while now, and I remember last year around wintertime, it was at its worst. Compared to this year, the change is crazy to me.  

I won’t go into detail, just for personal reasons, but I have struggled with my body. I was constantly criticizing myself, and I found myself staring into mirrors after I ate, and planning out how to eat to avoid being bloated. I would find ways to distract myself from being hungry or tell myself I wasn’t hungry so I didn’t eat. It was terrible, to put it bluntly, and my mental state was not that great. It was like I was trapped in my own body. 

I don’t have an answer to why I’ve become more accepting. It’s not as if there was some magical click in my brain that made me more accepting of myself. It was a long process of trying to talk to myself and to other people while accepting that my body will grow. I was so stuck on having the same body I did when I was 15 that I used to not be able to accept that as I grow older my body will change and develop. That was scary to me. It’s been a long process to heal. It’s still a long process, and there are days where I fall back and days where I don’t feel guilty for having breakfast. It’s starting to get better, and I’m starting to heal mentally. It was only recently that I stopped feeling sick when I thought of my body. It’s a complicated relationship, to say the least, but self-acceptance is an incredible feeling. 

I have a feeling that a lot of people can relate to this. We think that this feeling is normal or we just assume that it’s not as big of a deal as it is. I refused to admit my problems because I believed that my issues were not as bad as anyone else’s. No matter the severity, they’re still harmful. We must accept our issues in order to learn how to heal. It’s a long and complicated process, but it’s so freeing at the end. 

For everyone out there, I promise there is a way to heal. It isn’t forever, and I’m in the middle of healing myself. I promise, body acceptance is a beautiful thing.