If you’re anything like me, you struggle to find motivation while at home 24/7. I rely on physically needing to be places at certain times in order to frame my day and be fully productive.
The issue also lies in the fact that we began online classes at the end of the semester, which proves to already be the most heinous time of the school year. Weeks are flowing by, and I still feel completely overwhelmed and disorganized.
So, I have found myself wondering if it would have been better if schools had shut down completely and offered us the new grading scale. Then, we could all go on our merry way (back home, of course). I think this would have likely caused outrage but so did online classes. There’s really no way any colleges could have pleased everyone in this situation.
However, these online classes are hard! I never imagined going to school from home could be so, for lack of a better word, miserable. Mental health is already such a slippery slope in college, and being isolated from friends, loved ones, peers, and professors is creating a deeper and much more serious issue within 20-somethings.
We now must begin to wonder what it will be like to come out of this. How will we adjust to life again? There are so many changes and difficulties in life at the moment, and I do partially fear how humanity will handle it. This is a time we all have to stand together, take the changes and challenges as they come, and work to not allow our lives to be completely taken control of by this pandemic.
Take control of what you can and focus deeply on that. You can control what time you wake up, how long you spend on social media, and how much time you spend outside. The list goes on and on, but we must focus on these things, or the uncertainty and lack of control will really get the best of us. No one truly knows how long life will be like this, so we must try to remain positive, even when it feels like everything is so difficult and out of control.
As March comes to a close, it’s time to talk about what my April Anthem will be.
With each new single Kehlani had dropped over recent years, I find myself obsessively binging over them until she releases a new song for me to obsessively binge over. This time it’s her new song, “Toxic,” which highlights the toxic and painful nature of her most recent relationship.
This is something almost all of us can relate to. Kehlani has a way of creating songs that feel so relatable and personal but she does so in a way that makes you feel confident and powerful while listening. “Toxic” is definitely the song to help remind you that you’re a bad bitch.
As if the song wasn’t a reminder enough, just nights ago, Kehlani released a drunken homemade video for “Toxic,” that proves you can be a strong, independent, and creative woman even from your own bedroom sipping on some red wine.
Kehlani’s first song that had me annoying all of my loved ones with the magnitude of my listening time was “Nights Like This,” which happened to be my most listened to song of 2019 (thanks, Spotify).
Kehlani is an artist that is heavily underrated in the R&B world, not only as a creator but as a human being. She definitely leads by example in the way she handles herself and the situations that are thrown at her. I don’t just adore her music, but I adore watching her grow.
I wonder what Kehlani song will be my most listened to song of 2020!
Passion is essential to our core purpose as human beings. Without it, we lack a reason to wake up in the morning, and in trying times like these, I fear that passion is far too easily lost. We have to find new ways to express our passions and possibly find entirely new passions in order to stay mentally healthy, which leads to physical health as well.
This is such a scary and uncertain time for everyone in the world. For someone like me, a chronically stressed person and planner, uncertain times are rather earth-shattering to mental health. So, like you, I am trying to figure out new ways to keep my mental and physical health in check. The biggest thing so far that I’ve noticed for myself is that I am uninterested in my passions because I am unmotivated to do much of anything. With nowhere to go and nothing to do, getting up for the day seems minuscule and unimportant.
I’ve seen many people posting their “quarantine routines,” some serious and some satirical. However, I think this is a very intelligent way to go about this. Life continues to go on, just as COVID-19 does. We can’t allow this to completely turn our lives upside down. As silly as it may sound, coming up with a routine for your day during these isolated times may be a powerful way to gain a little control back for ourselves.
We can quite literally schedule in time to practice our passions, which is a luxury we may not typically have in our day-to-day lives. This situation does not have to be the tragedy we feel it is at the moment. There is always the option in life to sit down and give up, but there is also always the option to stand tall and keep trying our best. Though it’s hard right now, I will never stop trying my best. During the week or so that we have been — generally — in isolation, I have felt myself begin to slip into a dark space of my mind, hidden for difficult times. My goal is to be aware of this and combat it early so that I come out of this stronger, more intelligent, and more prepared than I was going in.
I feel strongly that life has a way of working out for people who believe it can and put the work in to ensure that it does. We can do this; it’s just going to take a little bit of work, consistency, and passion.
I’m not exactly a Justin Bieber fan (OK, maybe now I am), but I really appreciate “Changes.” Before we dive into why I disagree that the songs all sound the same, let me explain why I have such an appreciation for this album.
I think as audience members and consumers we forget how easy it is for celebrities who grow up in the spotlight to fall into very dark places. We see celebrities as invincible and diminish their issues because they have “fame and fortune,” which we see as the ultimate success. Mental health affects human beings’ period, celebrities included. We also know that creative people tend to have more mental health issues. Justin went through a lot of hardship and battled with his mental and physical health as well as some pretty serious substance abuse.
“Changes” is rooted in Justin’s newfound health and happiness, and personally, I find it beautiful to watch a person’s growth. It’s also interesting to watch someone find happiness and peace with their significant other, especially when we have seen their romantic life plastered all over the media and shown as so chaotic.
Everyone loved “Purpose” but Justin was in a very bad place during that time, and it is difficult for me to enjoy something I know is rooted in so much pain and destruction. When I listen to “Changes,” it feels good because we know that it was healing for him. I think that is the kind of music that is healing for everyone involved, even the listener.
As for the songs, though they have a similar feel, to me it feels more complimentary than identical. The songs flow well together, and they tell a story. Specifically, when you get deeper into the album with “Changes” and “At Least For Now,” there is a shift in the sound. Things are a lot more calm, serious, and seem to be about Justin reflecting on where he is now versus where he was at his worst during “Purpose” and the Purpose Tour.
Overall, I love this album and think it’s really cool to watch someone who started making music when he was so young and so different grow into an adult, married man who is truly finding himself.
Reality TV has been a love of mine since birth (yes, seriously, “Big Brother” started the year I was born… thanks, mom). So let’s dive into the best reality TV shows to start out with!
Love Is Blind
This one is fun and actually very different in the reality TV world. The concept follows a group of men and women who both move into a house to find love but cannot see each other. They go on dates and converse with each other in dating “pods.” The way out of the house is to get engaged. The show asks the ultimate question: “Can love truly be blind?” Watching this is truly a whirlwind. Being an audience member, it is quite difficult to put yourself in their place and understand how one falls in love in three days without ever seeing the person they are so infatuated by. It is certainly an interesting watch, and you can find it on Netflix!
Love Island (U.K.)
Keeping up with our love theme, “Love Island” has become a huge pop culture phenomenon not just in the U.K., but here in the U.S. as well. “Love Island’s” premise is basically a bunch of beautiful men and women stuck in a house together, forced to sleep in bed with someone else, and urged to “couple up” with another member of the house. Sure sounds like a recipe for love to me. On a real note, this show is highly entertaining if you love drama and “shipping” relationships. However, there are a TON of episodes in each season, so it’s not one you’ll finish very quickly. Watch it on Hulu!
Though “Cheer” is by far the best of it’s kind, I am no stranger to a cheerleading docuseries. This one is great in its storytelling and insight into the cheerleaders’ lives. If you want to laugh, cry, and break your hand trying to prove to yourself you can try out for Navarro’s team next year, this is the reality show you need in your life. Watch it on Netflix!
This show is another really unique reality TV show concept. In “Encore” we see groups of people who did different musicals in high school come back together as adults to do an encore performance with the help of professionals in the musical world. This show is especially fun if you were in theater at some point in your life. Watch it on Disney+!
The Real Housewives of Orange County
This is the true OG option for all your reality TV cravings. Though most of the “Real Housewives” shows are good, “Orange County” is the first and the best, in my opinion. The drama is never-ending, and it is also interesting to see the “problems” these women face… or don’t face. Watch all seasons on Hulu!
Recently, I had an assignment for a class where I had to find a magazine for, by, or about black women and bring it into class for discussion. Immediately, Essence came to mind. I had studied Essence a bit in a previous class and knew that it was very popular among African American women. I also knew that it had some rather problematic tendencies as well. For example, the advertisements in Essence often feature light-skinned or white women, rather than women with darker complexions. For a magazine aimed toward black women, this is very problematic. The ads also tend to be about hair and beauty products which ultimately add to the crippling fear of every woman that we will never be beautiful enough to deserve respect and acceptance in society.
As we live in an online shopping era, I hadn’t physically purchased a magazine in so long that I actually asked my mom where you can even buy them anymore. Quickly, I learned that this was not so simple. Firstly, most stores have a rather narrow selection of magazines, to begin with. However, the magazines that they do have are very white and pretty cookie-cutter. Each magazine was either a celebrity magazine like Us or People or they were very mainstream and well known, such as Time. Each one whitewashed and was pretty much exactly the same. I had done some research and looked up some of the most popular magazines for, by, or about black women. The most popular by far seemed to be O, The Oprah Magazine and Essence. Naturally, I thought these had to be as popular and abundant as Us. I was so wrong.
I went to every store in Athens. The only store that had anything even remotely related to what I was searching for was one of the bookstores here. However, they did not have Essence. I had already completed my assignment on Essence because I was so sure I’d be able to find it. Fast forward to now, and long story short, I drove a total of two hours (round trip) to the nearest Barnes & Noble to purchase the SINGLE copy of Essence that they had.
Other stores that I had called in the area couldn’t pronounce Essence much less find it on a shelf; that is how little knowledge there is of this magazine. Though I was frustrated about my assignment, I grew increasingly frustrated with the society that we live in. Black women are still clearly overlooked, and it is heartbreaking. The difficulty to find this magazine made me step back and look at why this is. It is easy to say that people simply don’t buy physical magazines and prefer to have them on a tablet, kindle, etc., but I do not feel that this is the case. We, as a society, are still neglecting to see black women. Their visibility is limited and many times their portrayal is negative when it does exist. We must challenge ourselves to ask these questions, to be observant, and to find a way to help remedy this issue.
Whether we accept Valentine’s Day as a valued holiday or a scam that obligates us to show our love in material form, it exists, and it’s almost here. Personally, I think Valentine’s Day can still be celebrated in a cheap, thoughtful, and memorable way that shows our loved ones that we appreciate them.
Make Them a Playlist
Most people in this world relate to and appreciate music on some level. Make a playlist of songs you know they love, songs that make you think of them, or songs that the two of you share an appreciation for. Whoever you make this for will love to see how much effort you put in, and they’ll definitely be satisfied with the gesture. Bonus: Make this a tradition!
Play Tourist in Your Own Town
Look at the town you live in with fresh eyes. A town like Athens may become seemingly dull after some time, but an easy way to revamp your view is to pretend that you’re a tourist. Where would you want to go if you were only in Athens, Ohio, for one day? Take your loved one along with you, and plan a day of fun, cultural, tourist adventures. If you’re not sure what to do, ask around or even Google tourist ideas for your town. Sometimes this can be even more fun than going somewhere extravagant.
Wine and Chocolate Tasting
Wine and chocolate (a fantastic and classy combo, may I add) are a tasty treat and a romantic way to get wine drunk and giggly with your loved one. Many forums and websites online give great information about which chocolates and wines taste best together. Find out what kind of wine and chocolate are your loved one’s favorite and make your choices based on that! It may also be beneficial to look up snacks that pair well with the wine that you choose.
Homemade Snacks and Themed Night
What’s their favorite movie, game, show, etc.? Make a little night themed around that! Make (or buy, if that’s more your style) food that is special to that show or movie, or find out their favorite part or episode and recreate it. The key here isn’t perfection, but it is to show that you put thought into it and that you clearly recognize and care about what they enjoy.
Valentine’s Day isn’t so much about gifts and extravagant gestures as it is showing the people you love that you are mindful of your love for them and genuinely value who they are and what they enjoy. Happy Valentine’s Day!
*WARNING* Pictures below may be considered graphic to some readers!
A tonsillectomy being the destination…
Okay, I know it doesn’t sound too serious. Who hasn’t had some kind of issue with their tonsils, right? We’ve all had strep throat at one point in our lives. Trust me, I am fighting my dramatic tendencies in what I say next… it really was that serious for me. My tonsil issues go way way back to the ancient times of the early 2000s. I remember opening my mouth as my father looked inside my tiny throat and said, “Yep, you got your daddy’s tonsils.” Of course, at the time I wasn’t quite sure what that implied, but I would later discover this meant my tonsils were, on a good day, absolutely freaking ginormous — like touching my uvula 24/7 ginormous. Don’t worry, I won’t burden you with a picture… yet. I’ll save that for the good part.
Anyway, fast forward about 20 years and there I was, in college, absolutely not thriving, because my tonsils were swelling up like nasty little balloons every other week. Of course, every doctor refused to take them out until I was hospitalized with a case of tonsillitis so extreme that my throat would have completely closed and suffocated me had I not been immediately put in a hospital bed to be pumped with steroids and antibiotics all night long. I even missed an exam (insert dramatic gasp here), so you really know I must’ve almost died.
Fast forward another year and so many tonsillitis and strep incidents later, and there I was, lying in a hospital bed once again, but this time with a true purpose and solution! I have never in my life felt more joy knowing that a part of my body was about to be brutally ripped from me. So, let me set the scene for you: I go to sleep happy thinking about a dream vacation spot as directed by a nurse, and I wake up to this:
Oh and this…
I wish I could describe the pain, but I genuinely have never felt anything like it. They immediately started giving me morphine once I regained consciousness, but it genuinely did not feel any different. I had been dehydrated, so the nurses truly struggled to get an IV in me prior to surgery. And, of course, my IV came out during the procedure, hence the nasty little arm moment shown in the picture above and the (not pictured) IV sticking out of my foot (thank god I wasn’t awake for that). Little did I know this was the least of my problems.
After a lot more morphine and some liquid Vicodin, I was feeling OK enough to finally go home. Though I couldn’t stop sobbing, I was feeling all right. I was very confused and very tired, but OK. The days to come were my own special version of tonsillectomy hell. Once the scabs formed in my throat, which happened almost immediately, it was game over. I’d love to show you a disgusting picture of this but in all honesty, I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to even get one.
I didn’t eat for eight days and lost around 15 to 20 pounds. On the eighth day, my doctor prescribed some steroids and I was finally able to eat something. What was the magic food I was able to finally eat, you ask? Spaghetti-O’s. Yep, I ate them in all of their weird, non-spaghetti glory.
So, my advice to anyone with “tonsil issues” thinking they may want to get the horrible things removed is this: you will know if you truly need them out and when you are at this point the horrific experience of getting them out will genuinely be a massive relief. Mine made me sick 24/7. I was constantly on steroids and antibiotics just to function. I would gladly take on the horrific month of recovery again for the relief I now feel. I had both my adenoids (which according to my doctor were some of the biggest she’d ever seen) as well as my tonsils removed. I feel so much less pressure in my head, I can breathe with no struggle both out of my nose and mouth, I no longer snore, and even if my throat hurts, it feels nothing like it ever did with my tonsils still there. The surgery is completely worth it for those in need. However, you must prepare yourself for an intense pain that only gets better with time and nourishment (which can feel impossible). All in all, I can’t say I miss my tonsils one bit.
Note: Tonsillectomies in adults are vastly different from tonsillectomies in children. No, you are not on an “ice cream” diet. You are on an opioid and water diet.
We are always so concerned with finding our peace and being someone else’s peace that we become so unconcerned with how this is obtained.
I am the first to admit that I have chased this peace, not for myself, but to please others throughout much of my life. So, I ask myself, what if some of us aren’t meant to be peaceful? How do we decide who deserves peace and who is meant to be another’s peace?
This is faulty logic because we all absolutely deserve peace. No one person can single-handedly provide us with this. That is a burden too great for us to bear; it can and will destroy us if we allow it.
I could never be someone else’s peace. I am full of chaos, and I am still unsure of how to contain it all. And honestly, I shouldn’t have to if it’s only for someone else’s well-being. I truly believe if I can find peace within myself that it will reflect outward onto others.
A year ago, I was so caught up trying to be this so-called peace for someone I desperately wanted to keep in my life. I was willing to change who I was just to be whatever it was that this person claimed that they needed. Water yourself down, be quieter, love yourself less; this was their unspoken request for me. I simply could not do or be this. Pushing yourself down will not calm your chaos, but it will only turn it into the coldest and darkest place you have ever traveled to.
In 2020, I have a goal to be consciously more at peace with myself. With the toxicity removed from my life and a brand-new year ahead of me, I think maybe this peace isn’t so far off.